Funny SMS

This is a conversation between a customer and tech representative over phone.

Cust : I am not able to open microsoft paint in my computer
Tech : Please press windows key + r
Cust : yeah i have got small run command window, you have to type MSPAINT
Tech : Please type M
Cust : ok
Tech : please type S
Cust : ok
Tech : please type p
Cust : sorry
Tech : p , p on your keyboard
Cust : NO i cant Pee on my key board

Firstly,DIS-advantages of reading a book(Based on what most of em think)
1)Sleep travels faster than mind,as soon as we open a book.
2)Many of them think book reading is a waste of time…….and so on…

I have a friend who is not at all interested in reading books and when i asked him why is that so he just gave me an interesting answer.He said,right from the time we get up to the time we sleep everything happening with us,everything we see,everything we hear is a story.When we sit with friends,we talk all type of masala which when formed or framed can be concluded as a story.What lecturers teach us is a story.What the government is doing is a story and the opposition finding their fault is another story.Actually he feels it as an interesting story.More over there are many news hungry channels when we watch show us at least 15 stories per day. When we have so many stories revolving around us each day what is the need for us to go into a store find a book for ourselves get the book home find time to read it?was his argument.
I find no reason to accept what my friend said.He is right.After all i am no one to force a person asking him to jump into a hobby of reading books.This is one phrase.BUT BOOKS ARE JUST NOT STORY BOOKS.FICTION AND NON FICTION STORIES ARE JUST A PART OF BOOK READING.THERE IS MUCH MORE WHAT BOOKS CAN DO.

Each and every person has one or more interests.They are the better judges in fact the best judges of themselves.Eg:Some people like gossips.When u like such(gossips) things i just ask y do not you just go n buy such(gossip) books????Gossip was just an example.Gossip can be replaced with culture,stocks,politics,sex,girls etc…Why do you want to depend on others to say something or give information on a topic in which you have more interest?SIMPLE LOGIC..ISN’T IT?

Eg:My friends say i analyze things nicely and put them in a simple way.I KNOW I AM,though i am not a master in it.Whatever feels me interesting or whatever i feel like writing i blog it.I do not wait for my friends to come to me and say,”hey today every one is suffering from obesity y dont u analyze it”?rather i would feel proud to analyze things even before my friends think of them and rather I say to them,guys i have written a blog on obesity.please go check it.I have taken myself just as an example.NOT FOR GAPPE MARNA OR DRUM BAJAANA OF MYSELF.

So,what i say is just google your interest and go through the wikipedia.ITS MUCH HELPFUL.
We have played a lot of cricket in the form of ONE DAY BATTING for exams.We all are experts in one day batting.
At least now lets give time for books.
AT WEEKENDS I MEAN FRIDAY N SATURDAY NIGHTS WE ARE BUSY PARTYING,
SUNDAYS WE DONT WANNA DO ANYTHING ON THAT DAY.
MONDAY FRESH DAY FOR OUR JOBS SO WE STAY LITTLE ZIGGY.
Y NOT GIVE TIME FOR YOUR FAVORITE TOPIC AT LEAST 30 MIN ON TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY NIGHTS?

I.E ONLY 4 HRS A MONTH?
WHICH IS ONLY 208 HRS A YEAR WHICH MEANS APP.9 DAYS A YEAR??
COMMON GUYS PLEASE GIVE THIS VALUABLE 10 DAYS TIME/YEAR TO BOOKS WHICH PLAYED A KEY ROLE IN BRINGING US UP AS WELL ALONG WITH PARENTS!!!!

CHEERS!!!!!!

1. What goes up and down stairs without moving?
2. Give it food and it will live; give it water and it will die.
3. What can you catch but not throw?
4. I run, yet I have no legs. What am I?
5. Take one out and scratch my head, I am now black but once was red.
6. Remove the outside, cook the inside, eat the outside, throw away the inside.
7. What goes around the world and stays in a corner?
8. What gets wetter the more it dries?
9. The more there is, the less you see.
10. They come at night without being called and are lost in the day without being stolen.
11. What kind of room has no windows or doors?
12. I have holes on the top and bottom. I have holes on my left and on my right. And I have holes in the middle, yet I still hold water. What am I?
13. I look at you, you look at me, I raise my right, you raise your left. What is this object?
14. It has no top or bottom but it can hold flesh, bones, and blood all at the same time. What is this object?
15. The more you take the more you leave behind.
16. Light as a feather, there is nothing in it; the strongest man can’t hold it for much more than a minute.
17. As I walked along the path I saw something with four fingers and one thumb, but it was not flesh, fish, bone, or fowl.
18. What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps?
19. I went into the woods and got it, I sat down to seek it, I brought it home with me because I couldn’t find it.
20. What can fill a room but takes up no space?
21. It is weightless, you can see it, and if you put it in a barrel it will make the barrel lighter?
22. No sooner spoken than broken. What is it?
23. Only two backbones and thousands of ribs.
24. Four jolly men sat down to play, And played all night till the break of day. They played for cash and not for fun, With a separate score for every one. When it came time to square accounts, They all had made quite fair amounts. Now, not one has lost and all have gained, Tell me, now, this can you explain?
25. Jack and Jill are lying on the floor inside the house, dead. They died from lack of water. There is shattered glass next to them. How did they die?
26. Why don’t lobsters share?
27. A barrel of water weighs 20 pounds. What must you add to it to make it weigh 12 pounds?
28. Big as a biscuit, deep as a cup, Even a river can’t fill it up. What is it?
29. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
30. He has married many women but has never married. Who is he?
31. If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white egg, what kind of chicks would hatch?
32. If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you don’t have it. What is it?
33. You can’t keep this until you have given it.
34. Take off my skin, I won’t cry, but you will. What am I?
35. What book was once owned by only the wealthy, but now everyone can have it? You can’t buy it in a bookstore or take it from the library.
36. What can go up and come down without moving?
37. What do you fill with empty hands?
38. What do you serve that you can’t eat?
39. What do you throw out when you want to use it but take in when you don’t want to use it?
40. What goes up and never comes down?
41. What has a foot on each side and one in the middle?
42. What has to be broken before it can be used?
43. What kind of coat can be put on only when wet?
44. What question can you never answer “yes” to?
45. What’s the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?
46. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white?” or “The yolk of the egg is white?”
47. You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?

Answers
1. Carpet
2. Fire
3. A cold
4. A nose
5. A match
6. Corn
7. A stamp
8. Towel
9. Darkness
10. Stars
11. A mushroom
12. A sponge
13. A mirror
14. A ring
15. Footsteps
16. Breath
17. Glove
18. River
19. Splinter
20. Light
21. A hole
22. Silence
23. Railroad
24. Four men in a dance band
25. Jack and Jill are goldfish.
26. They’re shellfish.
27. Holes
28. A kitchen strainer
29. She lives in the Southern Hemisphere.
30. A priest
31. None.. Roosters don’t lay eggs.
32. A secret
33. A promise
34. An onion
35. A telephone book
36. The temperature
37. Gloves
38. A tennis ball
39. An anchor
40. Your age
41. A yardstick
42. An egg
43. A coat of paint
44. “Are you asleep?”
45. To hold cows together
46. Neither, the yolks are yellow.
47. A telephone

What is the similarity between Dinosaur & An Innocent Girl?
Interesting right?
?
Think.
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?
Dono Ab is Dunya mai Nahi hain

Life before marriage is AIRTEL
” u can express ur self “.

During honeymoon is RELIANCE
“Always get in Touch”.

After Honeymoon is HUTCH
“Wherever u go ur wife network follows”.

After one year Life is

IDEA
“Ur wife can change Ur life”.

After 10 years Life is

BSNL
“Subscriber is not reachable”?????????

After Divorce Life is TATA

Do more Live More

Experience the Difference

An employee walks into the Accounts office and says “What is the meaning of this. I have been paid $200 less than what was decided upon.”

The Accountant replies “I know about it, but you did not complain when we paid $200 extra by mistake last month.”

The employee snaps back “Yeah, I can bear with occasional mistakes but when you make it a habit I think I need to report.”

Fraud with Innocent Boys
Fun with Handsome Boys
Friendship with Charming Boys
Contact with Intelligent Boys
Flirt with Freaky Boys
Love with Faithful Boys
and in the end
Marriage with the Rich Boy!

Friends, please let me know what you think about the Psychology of Girls mentioned above. Do you think it’s True or False. Please post your opinion in the comments. Thanks

School
A place where Parents pay and children play

Life Insurance
A contract that keeps you poor all your life
so that you can die Rich.

Nurse:
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage
It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..

Divorce
Future tense of Marriage.

Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture

An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”

Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

Dictionary
A place where success comes before work

Conference Room
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

Father
A banker provided by nature

Criminal
A person no different from the rest
…except that he/she got caught

Boss
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and
your Confidence after

DOCTOR
A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic
Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher
A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise

1. At the movies:When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .

Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here…

2. In the bus:A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…

Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia.. …why don’t you try again.

3. At a funeral:One of the teary-eyed people ask…

Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question:-Is the “Butter Paneer Masala” good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years

Stupid Question:-Munna, Chickoo, you’ve become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…

Stupid Question:- Is the guy you’re marrying good?
Answer:- No,he’s a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive lout…it’s just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…

Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes inAfrica marry or not. You thought I was sleeping…. you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…

Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I’m shedding…. ..

9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…

Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your officeasks.. .

Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it’s a miracle ………..it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

1. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot
tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

2. This is not an answering machine – this is a telepathic thought-recordingdevice. After the tone, think about your name,
your number, and your reasonfor calling…. and I’ll think about returning your call.

3. Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Pleasespeak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to
myself with one of thesemagnets.

4. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.If you are my parents, please send money. If you
are my bank, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have LOTS of money.

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So, leave a message.

6. Hi. Now YOU say something.

7. Hi. I’m probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.