Funny SMS

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you
about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don’t think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don’t know maths.
Ted: You don’t know my father!

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 and on Wednesday she said 6+2=8. If she can’t make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It’s mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn’t say anything.

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

Waiter: I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg.
Customer: Don’t tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

Teacher: Simon, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That’s why I say she’s no good!

Teacher: “Where were you born?”
Student: ” Singapore , Sir.”
Teacher: “Which part?”
Student: “All of me, Sir.”

A teacher was asking her class: “What is the difference
between ‘unlawful’ and ‘illegal’?” Only one hand shot up.
“Ok, answer, Joan” said the teacher.
“Unlawful’ is when u do something the law doesn’t allow and ‘illegal’

It is a sick eagle.”

Teacher: “How come you do not comb your hair?”
Ah Kow: “No comb, Sir.”
Teacher: “Use your dad’s then.”
Ah Kow: “No hair, Sir.”

A boy came home from school with his exam results.
“What did u get?” asked his father.
“My marks are under water,” said the boy.
“What do u mean ‘under water’?”
“They are all below ‘C’ level”

Kissing a woman at her FOREHEAD is Respect
At her LIPS is Love
CHEEKis Heroism
NECK is Lust
BUT KISSING HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND IS BRAVERY

Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
Because they are stupid.
What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them for ever.
If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane,which one would hit the ground first?
Who cares.

What did God say after he created man?
I can do better than this.
What’s the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
I don’t know, I’ve never seen either.

What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
i) no mind ii) no business

Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
Because even back then men wouldn’t ask for directions.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
1

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language.He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planeswere usually referred to as “she”.
One of the students raised their hand and asked “What “gender” is a computer”? The teacher wasn’t certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one,females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine.

Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.The group of women concluded that computers
should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one,you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Wife – Dear, In my Dream Last night, YOU
were Buying Me a
Diamond Necklace…

Husband – Darling
Tonight Go to Sleep
and Enjoy Wearing It.!.

Pappu- Bapu idhar aa…Jeeto- Aise nahin bolte beta, daddy ko izzat se bulate hai.
Pappu- Bapu,
izzat ke sath idhar aaja.

On a ship, the Project managers of three different companies belonging to 3 different
nations were traveling with their Trainee guys. They started an argument on whose Trainee
engineer had more guts.
The American PM called for one of his men and told him to jump off and take around swimming around the moving ship.
The Trainee did as he was commanded. The American PM boasted of by saying, “See the guts!” *
Now the German PM called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds around the moving ship.
The Trainee did as he was told. When he came back from the water the German PM said, “See the guts!” *
Now the Indian PM called out for his most courageous man and asked him to take five similar rounds.
The Trainee promptly replied, ” Why the hell should I ? ? ? You do that ”
The PM proudly said, ** “See the guts!” **

Once, A software engineer was smoking.

Girl says, Cant you see the warning? “smoking is injurious to health”

to this, the Software engineer says………..

Any guesses !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!

scrolldown ………….

We bother only about Errors not Warnings !!!!:)

* What do they call French Toilet in Bihar ?
La loo

* Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the
security guard told Laloo “WAIT SIR” for which Laloo replied “65Kgs”
and moved on…

* Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las
Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them “Ji could
you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas…”.
The man at the other end replies “One second sir…” and Laloo
immediately replies “thank you” and puts the phone down.

* Laloos family planning policy..
“Don’t have more than two children in one year”

* At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo’s left tells the bartender,
“JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE.” & the man’s companion says, “JACK DANIELS,
SINGLE.” The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, “AND YOU, SIR?”
Laloo replies: “LALOO YADAV, MARRIED.”

* After having become the Railway Minister, Laloo decides to pose for a picture.
To show he is down to earth Railway Minister he decides to pose along with a herd of
buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for
the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS
THE CAPTION “Laloo, third from left”

* Laloo Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business
Development to Bihar. The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with
Bihar and he stated, “Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years
and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan.” Laloo was
very surprised. “You Japanese are very inepicient,” he stated “Give me
three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar”

* A reporter asked Laloo “What is the main reason for a divorce ?”
“Marriage”
.

Finally, women have a polite form letter to send out and avoid those awkward and messy confrontations:

Dear (NAME),

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut.. I will, however, keep your name and number on file should an opening become available.

So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:

(Check those that apply)

___ Your last name is objectionable. I can’t imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

___ Your first name is objectionable. It is just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

___ You failed the 20 Question Rule: I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

___ Your legs are skinnier than mine.

___ You’re too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.

___ You’re too tall. I’m developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.

___ You have a hairy back.

___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

___ The phrase “My Mother” has popped up far too often in conversation.

___ You still live with your parents.

___ You are older than my father. This will not work.

___ I am old enough to be your mother. This will not work.

___ Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.

___ Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

___ Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner.

___ The fact that you refer to the Pro Bowler’s Tour as “must see TV” demonstrates that you do not meet my intelligence requirements.

___ Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.

___ I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.

___ Other (Explain):__ _________ _________ _________ _________

Sincerely,

(YOUR NAME HERE)
PERSONAL RESOURCES DEPARTMENT