Funny SMS

A Nice Quote….!
Love and Cigarettes
are both Similar…
Bcoz,
Both create Happiness
in the LIPS….
but,
Create Pain in the
HEART Thereafter.!

A COMMITEE :
Individuals who can do Nothing Individually
sit to decide that
Nothing can be
Done Together.

If he is late for class, he told,
“Time and Tide wait for none”.
If she is late, then the bus was late.

If a girl is dressed as a boy, she is modern, says the world.
But if a boy is dressed as a girl, ” Has he escaped from the Zoo?”

If a boy talks with a girl, “I think he is trying for her”
But if a girl talks with a boy, then she is trying to be friendly.

When a girl cries, the world is convinced of her
But when a boy cries, “Come on man! Don’t be a girl”.

If a girl meets with an accident, then it’s the mistake of others.
And if a boy meets with an accident, “I think you should learn to drive”.

If a boy sits in front of a city bus, he is mannerless and cultureless brute.
But if a girl sits in the back seat, “Try to respect ladies, man!”.

If a boy gets a big rank in an entrance exam, “You’ve to work hard”.
But if a girl gets a big rank,… Still got 33! Reservation.

If there are girls in a class, the professor gives an interesting lecture,
And if there are no girls, he says,there is no class today.

If a girl does not answer during a viva, then atleast ‘smile’ says the examiner.
But when a boy does not answer,” better luck next time”

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that…

a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby – if given 9 Months !!!

RPL :- Raha Paisa To Lenge

RNRL :- Rona Nahi Phir Bhi Ro Lenge

RIL :- Risk In Life

RCOM :- Rahi Sahi Capital Unpe Mitana

REL :- Roz EK Lafda

R – POWER :- RONA PEHLE SE HI AA GAYA

************ ********* *

DHIRU BHAI :- Bete Ye Kya Kiya ??? Sare Investors Ko Mere Pass Bhej Diya ??

ANIL :- Daddy Maine Socha Agar Aap Waha Koi IPO Laoge Toh Koi Investor Toh
Hona Chahiye Isi Liye…….. ……… ..

************ ********* ********

FORTH COMING IPO

* Reliance Hair Cutting**
* Reliance Cycle Services**

Practice makes a man perfect… – But nobody’s perfect…… so why
practice?

Money is not everything. – There’s MasterCard & Visa.

One should love animals. – They are so tasty.

Save water. – Shower with your girl friend.

Love thy neighbour. – But don’t get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman – And behind every
unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry. – After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.

The wise never marry – And when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term. – It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic – It needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents – Accidents in backseats cause
children

“Your future depends on your dreams” – So go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a day – Than waking up every
morning

“Hard work never killed anybody” – But why take the risk !

“Work fascinates me” – I can look at it for hours!

God made relatives; – Thank God we can choose our friends.

When two’s company, – three’s the result!

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know – So… Why learn.

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station…. what more can I say……..

A poor man’s something Something or someone that can be compared to something or someone else, but is not as good is a poor man’s version; a writer who uses lots of puns but isn’t very funny would be a poor man’s Oscar Wilde.

As one man If people do something as one man, then they do it at exactly the same time or in complete agreement.

Bob’s your uncle ( UK ) This idiom means that something will be successful: Just tell him that I gave you his name and Bob’s your uncle- he’ll help you

. Every man and his dog A lot of people – as in sending out invitations to a large number of people

Every man for himself If it’s every man for himself, then people are trying to save themselves from a difficult situation without trying to help anyone else.

Every man has his price Anyone’s opinion or support can be bought, everyone’s principles have a limit.

Every man jack If every man jack was involved in something, it is an emphatic way of saying that absolutely everybody was involved.

Everybody and their uncle This basically means a lot of people or too many people; everybody and their uncle was there.

Failure is the mother of success Failure is often a stepping stone towards success.

It’s not the size of the man in the fight, it’s the size of the

fight in the man This idiom means that determination is often more important than size, strength, or ability. (‘It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.’ is also used.)

Kissing cousin A kissing cousin is someone you are related to, but not closely.

Like father, like son This idiom is used when different generations of a family behave in the same way or have the same talents of defects.

Man Friday From ‘Robinson Crusoe’, a ‘Man Friday’ refers to an assistant or companion, usually a capable one. The common feminine equivalent is ‘Girl Friday’. (Also, ‘right-hand man’. )

Man in the street The man in the street is an idiom to describe ordinary people, especially when talking about their opinions and ideas.

Man of his word A man of his word is a person who does what he says and keeps his promises.

Man of letters A man of letters is someone who is an expert in the arts and literature, and often a writer too.

Man of means A man, or woman, of means is wealthy.

Man of parts A man of parts is a person who is talented in a number of different areas or ways.

Man of straw A weak person that can easily be beaten of changed is a man of straw.

Man upstairs When people refer to the man upstairs, they are referring to God.

Man’s best friend This is an idiomatic term for dogs.

Man’s man A man’s man is a man who does things enjoyed by men and is respected by other men.

Marked man A marked man is a person who is being targeted by people who want to do them harm or cause them trouble.

Mom and pop ( USA ) A mom and pop business is a small business, especially if it is run by members of a family. It can used in a wider sense to mean that something is small scale.

New man ( UK ) A New man is a man who believes in complete equality of the sexes and shares domestic work equally.

No use to man or beast If something or someone is no use to man or beast, they it or they are utterly useless.

Old friends and old wine are best This idiom means that the things and people that we know well are better than the unfamiliar.

Old wive’s tale A proverb or piece of advice that is commonly accepted as truth and is handed down the generations, but is normally false.

One man’s loss is another man’s gain This means thato ne person’s setback benefits someone else.

Prince charming A prince charming is the perfect man in a woman’s life.

Renaissance man A Renaissance man is a person who is talented in a number of different areas, especially when their talents include both the sciences and the arts.

Runs in the family If a characteristic runs in the family, it can clearly be seen members of different generations. A hereditary illness that is passed from one generation to the next also runs in the family.

Say uncle ( USA ) If you say uncle, you admit defeat. (‘Cry uncle’ is an alternative form.)

Straw man A straw man is a weak argument that is easily defeated. It can also be a person who is used as to give an illegal or inappropriate activity an appearance of respectability.

The world and his wife If the world and his wife were somewhere, then huge numbers of people were present.

Tied to your mother’s apron strings Describes a child (often a boy) who is so used to his mother’s care that he (or she) cannot do anything on his (or her) own..

To a man If a group of people does, believes, thinks, etc, something to a man, then they all do it.

Yesterday’s man or Yesterday’s woman Someone, especially a politician or celebrity, whose career is over or on the decline is yesterday’s men or women.

Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Love affairs :
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

Marriage :
It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

Opportunist :
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.